"Life is a Journey, not a Destination." Ralph Waldo Emerson
It hasn't been a very settled past few days for me. The sun and heat haven't been able to burn off the sense of cold sadness that trickles in. My Life isn't bad; I have a job, a home, the love of my children. But, sometimes, it is the things that are missing that speak louder than the quiet flow of what exists.
Last night I didn't sleep very well. Up at 3, tossed for a bit, drifted in limited wakeful napping for the next couple of hours. But, I fell asleep deep enough to dream, and more importantly, remember it. That doesn't usually happen....
I was in San Francisco to attend an old friend's wedding, one I haven't seen in person for years. A beautiful old house with turquoise-colored bathroom and a living room filled with books. The ceremony wasn't formal, being inside in a room with people gathered in a circle. I held the rings - but they weren't for their hands, but for their wrists. Bracelets of wood and woven leather to wear.
After the ceremony my beloved disappeared into the turquoise bathroom, as I wandered around the living room. Small and lived in, covered with plants and set with several personal altars. On a table were several books: Wiccan, crystals, dreams, etc. I immediately picked up one about discovering or creating your own wand. I knew that I needed to find my wand. I knew that it held the key...to something. A man's voice to my right spoke, "We are rewriting that one, you know." I turn to see who spoke those words...
And then I woke up, with a sense of peace of Self I haven't had for a while. I wanted to confirm it, and for me, that means consulting my Rune Cards (Blum Deck). So this morning I shuffled and pulled:
Ehwaz - Movement (Transition, forward journeying)
Mannaz - Self (Search for inner Self)
Weddings in dreams tend to come at stressful times, and many say, beyond the integral touch of bonds they portray, can mean a reunion of sides of the Self. Dreaming of wands is to find yourself in a position of influence, both over others AND your Self. And the cards...Well. Okay, I get it.
Sometimes I just need a little reminder that the Self will keep marching on, whether or not your heart is in it. And do I really want to walk my Path that way?