27 March 2011

And Today...

Today is another day in my Life.

I have church to visit and niblets to tend and seeds to start.  I have laundry and cleaning and some rearranging to do in the house.

Today I also get to celebrate. It is my birthday you see. A milestone of sorts. This year I turn 40.

40 years on this planet - moving, growing, stagnating, trying, hiding. I have done all of those things and more.

When I was 18, getting through my last year of high school, I would think about the future. What it would be like to be 40. To be "old". I dreamed of things that many teenagers dream of: a job, a partner, a family, a home. What will the path be like from those two stepping stones of 18 and 40, with so many years and moments to experience and lessons to learn in between?

Well, I can definitely say it wasn't anything like I was expecting.

I went to college, changed majors four times, found a career, had a kid, jumped careers, got married, had another kid, got divorced, went back to school, jumped careers again, moved around the states for love and for work, another marriage, another divorce on the horizon.

I have learned how to ride a motorcycle, to knit, to bake, to grow a garden, to preserve what I grow, and to parent solo (well, I guess that one is still a work in progress). I have learned to make friends again, with others and with my self.

I have learned lessons about love, about trust, about following your heart. That things will not always be resolved the way that you want: friends and loved ones will be lost, chances will not be taken, windows of opportunities will not be opened.

I have also learned that making a decision doesn't mean that it is carved in stone, that I can change my mind, my heart, my body, my will. It won't always happen, but I have learned that it can happen.

Learning is part of the journey. Each day brings something new into my life, in one way or another. I am starting to realize living life is a lot like school. I may not remember everything that I learn, but at least I had the experience of learning it. I certainly don't ever want to stop.

Today I will have my niblets, my girlfriend, and cake. Today I will learn what it is like to be 40, and let myself remember what it was to be 18.  I will also be so glad that I am not 18 anymore.

Tomorrow I will have, hopefully, the start of the next 40 years to learn even more.

4 comments:

  1. happy birthday! and seriously? this post is fan-freaking-tastic. i'll be thinking about this for a long time.

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  2. It's all about the journey and while it can be difficult at times it's worth it! Happy birthday!

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  3. This whole post is so beautiful, but especially this:

    "I have learned lessons about love, about trust, about following your heart. That things will not always be resolved the way that you want: friends and loved ones will be lost, chances will not be taken, windows of opportunities will not be opened.

    I have also learned that making a decision doesn't mean that it is carved in stone, that I can change my mind, my heart, my body, my will. It won't always happen, but I have learned that it can happen."

    Happy birthday.

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