31 December 2007

Thoughts of Old and New...

Well, I lost this month somewhere. Between birthdays and deaths, endings and beginnings of years, I realize it is time to take stock in the Haves and Have-Nots of my Life. What exists, what I hold on to, what I let go of--and acknowledge that while those may not have been the best choices of the past year, they were my choices.

I attend a UU church, and during every service is the time of Joys and Sorrows. While I did not stand at the front of the congregation yesterday, I recognized that my year has been full of both. As the next year will be.

To me, resolutions rarely stick. I have never lost that last ten pounds since my last child's birth, never paid off the credit cards in one fell swoop, never reconnected to those lost through time. However, this year I hope to make some promises to myself, not for ego gratification, but for true changes in my lifestyle.
For me, I desire a path of self-sufficiency, both inward and outward. The blog 100-Mile Diet has this on its New Years post:

Take time; go simply; choose connection over consumption; live deeply in the place you find yourself. Remind yourself to care.

Of course, I care about getting a new tattoo this year also...and finishing my knitting WIPs. I have another year of moments ahead of me to help with that.

10 December 2007

Second Decade

And the girl child turned 11 today. I don't know which is more amazing--that she made it this long, or I did.

She wanted no homework for her birthday. She almost got her wish--but sadly it was only a two hour delay for the schools. Ice melts.

Happy Birthday sweetheart.

09 December 2007


Ha! While the Universe conspires against me and the Knitting Goddess smiles and throws knots in my center-pull balls, I still accomplish a project!

Of course, these are for me. And I still have to block them. And now I have to actually LOOK at my class WIPs that have been languishing in my basket.


04 December 2007

Uncomfortably Numb

My Uncle Paul died last night.

He was hospitalized several weeks ago after being rushed to the hospital suffering from intestinal problems and fevers. My limited understanding is that he had diverticulitis and some of the pockets ruptured. Then his blood pressure, always high to begin with, shot up and he suffered some strokes. He was operated on, had part of his intestine removed, but was in a drug-induced coma for a couple of weeks. When he started to finally come out of it, he couldn't walk, could barely talk, and they weren't sure how good of a prognosis he had.

But, he left ICU, and left the hospital for a rehabilitation center. His daughter visited him. My father, his older brother, visited him. Even if he wasn't going to get much better, I was hoping for a chance to see him at Christmas.

Now I won't.

I grew up in my grandparents house, with my parents and sister. For the first few years there, my Uncle Paul was there too. He was more of a really big brother, only being 14 years older. I idolized him while as a child, and he would help babysit my kids during the last couple of summers. He kind of floated through Life--no firm career, no major goals. Married, divorced, personal problems, health problems, but he was living his Life.

And he was loved.

03 December 2007


Stuck at Home:

Schools here are closed today, although there is barely an inch of snow outside. Obviously the three-days advance warning of bad weather could not prepare them enough to get the kids in. While my children do have an option for a drop-in at their after-school program--it's full today. I'd rather be at work. I have a lot to do. I have been working on designs for the online catalog that are more "kid-friendly". I think that some librarians believe that kids are a lot less savvy than they are, demanding bright colours and simple buttons, with words in BIG LETTERS.

I think kids know more about finding stuff online than WE do!

Stuck in a Rut:

One thing I have discovered about myself is that it is hard to leave my comfort zone--or at least I can give good long mental arguments why I shouldn't. I have been living in this new town for three months, and haven't made any new friends or found anything that inspires me to try.

The onset of winter isn't helping with that. I don't function well when earth turns grey and sleeps for the next few months. Nothing is bright and colourful, joy is hard to find when everything appears flat.

I guess right now I need to find the inspiration, the colours, the joy inside myself. Outside will turn with the seasons.

02 December 2007

She's Makin' a List...

I started a To-Do list last week when I realized that I was trying to remember far more details than my brain is allowing me these days. Once the list reached two columns, I knew I was in trouble.

I guess it really isn't too horrible though. I have kept it to the immediate things. I have to talk to my daughter's orthopedist because he has finally decided we have reached that window when she needs to have her leg operation. I have to talk to the school counselor for my son's SPED meeting. I have several birthdays this month, including my daughter who turns the grand age of 11. I did my freak-out about it last year--she's been a whole year in double digits and I have survived.

Not sure if I will survive the party at Chuck E. Cheese next weekend though. I think finishing up my will is on that list too.

Then of course there is the holiday fervor--shopping is almost done. Tree goes up this weekend. The signing and picture-stuffing of cards will be finished over this week. I have gifts to wrap and some to ship.

All in all, the list is manageable--as long as I don't put my regular Life duties such as work, chores, knitting and reading on there. Then I would probably realize I have 30 hours of stuff to put in my 24 hour days. But, I figure if the government can decide to change my sleep time by an hour either direction twice a year, I can decide to lengthen each day by a few hours to get everything done.